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In collaboration with CollectPlus, who kindly helped produce this video!

While I’d like to think I have modified and refined some of my online-offline behaviour, Instagram is one beast I still have trouble leaving at the cloakroom at restaurants; one that compels me to publicly perform tai-chi moves above the table that makes my partner shrink into his collar in embarrassment. It also means I’d have deliberately allowed perfectly fine, freshly-cooked food to cool down in the expense of a birds-eye snap of the table. If there’s such a thing as a reverse-microwave, I’ve just invented it. (Is this why mega-grammers just eat salad?) Funny thing is though, it works. Flat-lays statistically ‘do’ better on Instagram and this is probably why I, along with about ten thousand instagirls out there, own a thing of roll-up marble.

There are no equations, or rules – in fact, I’m going to be honest and say nobody really seems to know what ‘flat lay’ means (about 5 gillion results when searched #flatlay, including the odd selfie) – but my trick is to either capture it in the most organic form (i.e come as you are or go super-regimental and curate the crap out of the snap from ground zero. (WOW I poet?) Here’s a video I did with CollectPlus showing you the latter. At the end of the day, it’s not too bad as long as your partner is wearing a turtleneck, and hey, so far it’s the only superpower we’ve been able to obtain = flying 2-feet above stuff. (Coming soon, Avengers: Age of #NoFilter.)

Also, it this all makes me a PRO, then I assume PRO actually is short for ‘PRObably needs a life outside the internet’, which means I am PRO everything in the entire universe.