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Sweater – COS. Leather trousers – Topshop. Bag – Couronne. Watch – GUESS. Glasses – YesStyle. Star necklace – MyFlashTrash. Heels – Christian Louboutin. Thank you Niek for helping with the photos!

So, apparently a work-out bench is a very different thing than of a normal bench. For example, it is not possible to pass out on a work-out bench clutching a beer can and half-eaten kebab. I have tried this. A few weeks ago, just as our holiday in Sardinia was coming to a close, hubby and I happened to weigh ourselves on the hotel spa scale and both did a double take. We threw away the pizza crusts we smuggled into the pool, raced back to the room; he ordered a work-out bench off Amazon, I Googled female sumo-wrestler blogs, then ordered a yoga mat and some macaron-coloured dumbbells, finding none. We had a steak for dinner, telling each other it would be our last, and then the next day we had our ‘last ever’ steak again. That was weeks ago, and only this past weekend we managed to sit down and plan a exercise pattern, and put together the work-out bench that was already gathering dust. I spent three hours exercising my Polish swearwords volcabulary on 2kg (4.4lbs) weights, and hubby picked up from his pre-wedding fitness and pumped 25kgs (55lbs)… all the while grunting and advertising to our neighbours that we’re having a merry time as married couple. I don’t need no bikini body, but I’d really like my boyfriend jeans NOT to fit like skinny jeans. Losing 2kg I got as a Christmas gift + 3kg I brought home as souvenir from Italy would be a definite plus.

Bah, THE PAIN though! It feels like I’m turning into Pinocchio, and apparently I walk like Forrest Gump. Louboutins ain’t the shoes to wear for post-workout, that I know now.

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Jumpsuit – Topshop. Heels – Zara. Rose-gold star necklace – MyFlashTrash. Sunglasses & Bag – c/o Couronne. Watch – Sekonda. Gold bangles – ASOS. Friendship Bracelet – DIY (similar here). Belt - Marni (via the Outnet); Ring – Michelle Oh; Thank you Charlie for helping with the photos.

Let this be my humble attempt at inquiring what ze heck is up with this weather by going into the boiler room with a wrench. Apparently, according to practice, the most appropriate attire to such assignment is either a boiler suit or a beer company t-shirt + paint-stained khakis combo, and since I’m off beer for, like, THE REST OF MY LIFE after spilling it all over my laptop the other day, I’m going with the jumpsuit option. It’s surprisingly comfortable! But I won’t speak for the poor man who missed his chance to overtake me in a narrow street and could not help but to witness the series of wedgie un-doing.  As for the weather, I’m really not too sure what’s wrong – my theory is that the thermostat plastic melted onto a permanent state of 32°C (90°F). The manuals were clear though, on claiming I am just one ungrateful bastard for complaining about this beautiful summer weather. I do apologize. Alas, I did do some good banging around with the wrench (The stud-embossed Couronne bag does a fantastic tool-bag make) and now there’s a thunderstorm outside, which means I may have either fixed it or broken it further. We shall see.

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‘Come at me, bro’

Sunglasses - Celine Audrey via Sunglasses Shop

Comfortably getting into more punching-fights over the last ham baguette sandwich at Pret because now I have these Celine sunglasses to cover up possible black eye. Round, oversized beauties, that provide instant Audrey-like lady-factor, especially to those who’ve chosen meat sandwich over manners. (Celine Audrey via Sunglasses Shop)

 

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Tile of my loins

Clockwise: Bag - Zac Posen Americana. Watch – Casio. Friendship bracelets – DIY & Lucy Folk. Necklace – Noemi Klein. Sunglasses - Celine Audrey. Bracelet - MyFlashTrash. Nail Polish – Chanel. Skirt – Claudie Pierlot. Lace shirt – MotelRocks. Heels – Alexander Wang. Mini perfume – Marc Jacobs Daisy

Picked up this beautiful, embroidered skirt at the Claudie Pierlot pre-sale over the weekend, the pattern is what I hope my kitchen tiles would look like when we buy a house. I’d happily be a full-time sandwich-maker and better wife if that’s ever case. Speaking of Claudie Pierlot – is it weird that I’ve only recently discovered that they actually have stores in the UK? Here I thought it was to be one of those French treasures (Ladurée being one) limited only to those living in France… The store on South Molton st is packed with goodies, and a little bird tells me the UK sales start on the 12th!

 

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Arden, the illegitimate

Heels – Kurt Geiger

I’m always suspicious of my toys coming to life the minute I leave the room, but it looks like my chairs do it too. My two neon chairs had a child and they called her Arden - those two must have some fiercerelationship because that kid is feisty.

 

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Optical Prime

Preferred eye-makeup for those days when I transform from WTF to OK and remember to draw some eyebrows: Skinny liquid eyeliner (feels like graffiti on your eyelids with a felt-tip pen) and Brow Gel by Eyeko, and Golden Aura eye palette by Topshop.

 

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Hey Missy, you so fine..

Mini Missy - Neri Karra

…you so fine you blow my mind, hey Missy! I met the ever delightful Neri for coffee and cakes at the Rose Bakery at the top of Dover Street Market the other week, and after we’d dusted down carrot cake from our chins she slid a small box over that held this little baby inside. I made this noise similar to a car brake and now I can’t go back to that cafe.

 

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If I were a boy

Skull necklace – Maria Nilsdotter. Bar necklace – Kirsten Goss Urban Edge. Watch – Casio Sheen. Leather laptop case – Scotch & Soda.

If I were a boy, I’d put Jennifer Lawrence as my phone wallpaper and not get weird stares from strangers. My affinity for silver accessories/jewellery is growing with each time I steal something out of my husband’s wardrobe. You got to agree, an oversized shirt and nothing on your wrist but a solid silver watch sounds pretty liberating when you’re on your period and everything is simply arduous.

 

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Souk style

Flats – Reiss

Gazing at Kit’s Morocco visual diary and realizing this is as close to a non-IKEA carpet I will ever walk on this year.

 

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Iconia A1

Pouch – Kurt Geiger. Tablet – Acer Iconia A1

At just over 8 inches long, this little tablet by Acer seems to find its way into any otherwise inadequately sized handbag I own these days. I’m building quite a large collection of magazines – dust-free, naturally – via Play Magazines, and have downloaded my entire summer reading list into this 1cm-thick thing. Jamie Oliver teaches me how to cook meals under 20 minutes while I burn some water, and my bank app constantly reminds me how much money I don’t have. The device processor is quad-core, which apparently means it’s responsive and runs smoothly, but I love it most for its compact size and the fact that it is a digital Mary Poppins’ bag, in essence.